i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
