i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I AM VODKA MAN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
