you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize