I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize