paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
