So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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