You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize