thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
