Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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