It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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