you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
