Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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