I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize