I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
