did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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