Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
