dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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