I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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