Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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