I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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