I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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