I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
