Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize