Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
