New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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