im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
