Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
