there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
