first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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