So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
