He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
