Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
