Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
