I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
