Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
