I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
