I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
