? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
