Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize