Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
