You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
