I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
