I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
