So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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