dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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