Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize