OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
