haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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