I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
