I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
