Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize