she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
