yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
