so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
