So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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