Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Randomize
