Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
