your parents love me but you hate me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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