im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
