Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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