She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
