dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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