he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
