Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
