addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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