New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
