He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
