Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
