I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
