My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
