Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
