Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
