I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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