I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
