The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
