Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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