bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
