i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
