I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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