he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
