guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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