I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
