just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize