sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize