Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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