yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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