well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
