Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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