he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
