I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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