Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
