I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
