All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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