So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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