As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
