2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
