I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
