You smell like stripper and shame
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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