apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
