All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
im six kinds of drunk right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize