I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
