She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
