And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ladies don't puke and tell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
