I faked an abortion last night.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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