I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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