I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
