i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
COCAINE IS GR8
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
