just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
