I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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